I live in Gainesville, so the big news of the day...as it has been almost every day for the past six years...is what is going on with Tim Tebow. When it comes to this guy, people that don't understand football suddenly think they are coaches and general managers. I am not under his spell or blinded by his superstition, and will try to dispel some fallacies.
In 2008 the University of Florida won the National Championship. Tebow was the undisputed leader of that team. He played great against Alabama in the SEC Championship and beat Oklahoma in the final. He was also the 12th or 13th best pro prospect on the team.
If I worked for an NFL team and drafted players from that roster, I would have selected: 1. Percy Harvin 2. Maurkice Pouncy 3. Joe Haden 4. Mike Pouncy 5. Carlos Dunlap 6. Aaron Hernandez 7. Brandon Spikes 8. Major Wright 9. Jermaine Cunningham 10. Louis Murphy 11. David Nelson...and then it would be a toss up between Tebow, Ahmad Black, and Riley Cooper. (Cam Newton was also on that team, but was kicked off before the season ended. I would take him first.)
Tebow fans (not to be confused with football fans) think the Broncos made a mistake this week by signing one of the greatest QBs in NFL history and trading away the guy who went 1-4 with a 40% completion rate and was outscored 156-79 in his last 5 games. They are stupid. John Elway is not.
Tebow is a modern Doug Flutie...except he can't throw with the same velocity or accuracy as Flutie. Good looking, seemingly nice guy, Heisman winner. Might win a few games with his unorthodox style, but eventually will leave behind a string of losses, disgruntled ex-teammates, and fired coaches. It has already happened in Denver, and Rex Ryan will be the next coach to feel the wrath and be damned.
But enough with the football talk.
My windshield time often has me thinking about changing one thing, and how different it would make everything. If Keith Moon and John Bonham switched bands. If Magic and Bird switched teams. If Barry Bonds was a nice guy. If I were six-seven.
Imagine if everything about Tebow--from his family backround to his humble, hard working outlook, etc etc--were exactly the same, but he was a fundamentalist Muslim instead of a fundamentalist Christian. Imagine if he painted Koran verses under his eyes, and his oft-imitated prayer pose was not one knee down but both down and facing Mecca. Tebow apologists say "I respect his deep faith," but what they really mean is "I respect that his faith is kind of similar to mine." Imagine if it wasn't.
No autograph lines around the block at Wal-Mart, no underwear endorsements, no jerseys sold. His high school probably would not have allowed the home schooled kid to play football. More than likely, he would not have been recruited to Florida, where the former coach often took pride in his own Christianity.
Grasping for straws, Tebowites say he is a standout role model in a league of thugs. The truth is that the NFL is made up of mostly good guys who have short, dangerous, pressure filled careers. A small percentage get in trouble, but they are the ones who show up in the news. The amazing thing is that more of them don't get into trouble.
The truth is I would prefer that my children not have for a role model a mouth breathing, brainwashed man-child who thinks he communicates with supernatural beings and that those beings control the outcome of his life.
"Look," I often affirm in the rear view mirror, "there is nothing wrong with being a Legendary College Player." Neither of Florida's other Heisman winners, Steve Spurrier nor Danny Wuerffel, had outstanding NFL careers. Albeit in a much different arena, I was also a Legendary College Player. It may be the only thing we have in common.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
You Might Be You, But I'm Me
Recently the iPod was playing "Hey Good Lookin" performed by Jimmy Buffett, George Strait, Clint Black, Toby Keith, and Kenny Chesney. Kenny is currently the best selling and recent-award-winning performer of the bunch. However, I couldn't help thinking how cool it must have been for him to sing on a record with King George. Because no matter what room any country star is in, when George Strait enters, it's his room.
Consider Albert Pujols, currently the best performer in baseball. He's an all time great and a seemingly nice fellow. Babe Ruth could say "Albert, you might be you, but I'm me." And that's how I came up with a name for my ranking system.
During many hours behind the windshield, I found that this system can be used for just about anything. In March, when the country is focused on brackets, I made up my own to determine who is the coolest guy ever. The "regions" were TV/Movies, Music, Sports, and Politics. Not the best...just the coolest. My final four came down to Cary Grant (who edged out Harrison Ford), Frank Sinatra, Ruth (who has the distinction of being The Best and The Coolest in his region), and Bill Clinton (every politician has a Thing, his doesn't bother me as much as Jefferson's). After much deliberation, and spending more time than I liked making negative arguments about them all, Sinatra wins.
The Most Beloved in Sports and perhaps all of American History, is Arnold Palmer. As a golfer he might not even make the top 5. However, no popular figure is more universally loved. In 60+ years he has never disappointed. Ruth, Ali, Abe Lincoln, and anybody else I could think of has valid detractors. Arnold has none.
Other windshield times have been spent putting together all-time teams for organizations worthy of the thought. No Mariners or Brewers history in my car. The Yankees were hard. Mantle or DiMaggio? Rizzuto or Jeter? Munson or Berra? Joe Gordon or Tony Lazzeri? Right field, 1st base, closer, 3rd base, and starting pitcher are easier. Left field was a weak link so I moved Mantle to left over Bob Meusel and Dave Winfield. Holy shit, say that lineup out loud. "Phil Rizzuto, Joe DiMaggio, Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Alex Rodriguez, Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra, Joe Gordon, Whitey Ford/Mariano Rivera."
The Celtics were also difficult, considering that Paul Pierce recently passed Larry Bird on their career scoring list. But let's be serious. They are Bill Russell, Bird, Kevin McHale, John Havlicek, and Bob Cousy. The Lakers are Magic Johnson, Jerry West, Kareem, Elgin Baylor, and Kobe Bryant. The benches for those organizations could win titles.
I could go on with UF, Miami, and FSU football, but will leave them and my music rankings for future blogs.
Consider Albert Pujols, currently the best performer in baseball. He's an all time great and a seemingly nice fellow. Babe Ruth could say "Albert, you might be you, but I'm me." And that's how I came up with a name for my ranking system.
During many hours behind the windshield, I found that this system can be used for just about anything. In March, when the country is focused on brackets, I made up my own to determine who is the coolest guy ever. The "regions" were TV/Movies, Music, Sports, and Politics. Not the best...just the coolest. My final four came down to Cary Grant (who edged out Harrison Ford), Frank Sinatra, Ruth (who has the distinction of being The Best and The Coolest in his region), and Bill Clinton (every politician has a Thing, his doesn't bother me as much as Jefferson's). After much deliberation, and spending more time than I liked making negative arguments about them all, Sinatra wins.
The Most Beloved in Sports and perhaps all of American History, is Arnold Palmer. As a golfer he might not even make the top 5. However, no popular figure is more universally loved. In 60+ years he has never disappointed. Ruth, Ali, Abe Lincoln, and anybody else I could think of has valid detractors. Arnold has none.
Other windshield times have been spent putting together all-time teams for organizations worthy of the thought. No Mariners or Brewers history in my car. The Yankees were hard. Mantle or DiMaggio? Rizzuto or Jeter? Munson or Berra? Joe Gordon or Tony Lazzeri? Right field, 1st base, closer, 3rd base, and starting pitcher are easier. Left field was a weak link so I moved Mantle to left over Bob Meusel and Dave Winfield. Holy shit, say that lineup out loud. "Phil Rizzuto, Joe DiMaggio, Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Alex Rodriguez, Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra, Joe Gordon, Whitey Ford/Mariano Rivera."
The Celtics were also difficult, considering that Paul Pierce recently passed Larry Bird on their career scoring list. But let's be serious. They are Bill Russell, Bird, Kevin McHale, John Havlicek, and Bob Cousy. The Lakers are Magic Johnson, Jerry West, Kareem, Elgin Baylor, and Kobe Bryant. The benches for those organizations could win titles.
I could go on with UF, Miami, and FSU football, but will leave them and my music rankings for future blogs.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
A man's gotta know his limitations
Great line from Dirty Harry, where he lets the chief know there are things he can handle that his boss cannot. One of my many limitations is a lack of death empathy (deampathy?). I know what not to say, but I never know what to say. Not being religious or otherwise superstitious, I have difficulty with the standard comfort lines. So here's how this train started:
My great-aunt bit it two weeks ago, prompting Mother to guilt me into sending my aunt a sympathy card. I don't even know the lady. She lives somewhere in New York (mom had to email me the address). It's been over 30 years since we were in the same room. What I do know is that my grandmother hated her older sister. Went out of her way to tell the young me how her elder bossed people around with a bitchy self-righteousness for all of her 97 years. It sucks that my grandmother died first.
My loving wife picked up the card from the dollar store, so at least we didn't waste money. Despite it all, I wrote "sorry for your loss," as if the old bag was misplaced and they will find her under a cushion. "Nobody liked your mother," although true, didn't seem like the right thing to say.
I have spent unfortunate windshield time on my wife's eulogy due to some recent cancer false alarms. The plan is for her to be at my funeral, but shit got real for a while. (She's fine, it was a benign infection.) Anyway, it went something like "Please spare us the standard comfort lines. Please don't tell us that she is in a better place," I imagined myself lecturing a stunned crowd. "Her place is taking care of our family, being a mother, a wife, and a daughter. If your fucked up faith says it is better for my wife to Be With God rather than kiss her children goodnight, please keep it to your fucked up self."
Today was a 2 hour round trip to pick up a chair from a client who checked into hospice. Medicare will pay for a wheelchair or skilled nursing, but not both. While I loaded the chair, the husband was talking about his wife and once again I was at a loss. Luckily there was a job to do and I thanked him for his time and got out. "She'll be dead soon," although true, didn't seem like the right thing to say.
My great-aunt bit it two weeks ago, prompting Mother to guilt me into sending my aunt a sympathy card. I don't even know the lady. She lives somewhere in New York (mom had to email me the address). It's been over 30 years since we were in the same room. What I do know is that my grandmother hated her older sister. Went out of her way to tell the young me how her elder bossed people around with a bitchy self-righteousness for all of her 97 years. It sucks that my grandmother died first.
My loving wife picked up the card from the dollar store, so at least we didn't waste money. Despite it all, I wrote "sorry for your loss," as if the old bag was misplaced and they will find her under a cushion. "Nobody liked your mother," although true, didn't seem like the right thing to say.
I have spent unfortunate windshield time on my wife's eulogy due to some recent cancer false alarms. The plan is for her to be at my funeral, but shit got real for a while. (She's fine, it was a benign infection.) Anyway, it went something like "Please spare us the standard comfort lines. Please don't tell us that she is in a better place," I imagined myself lecturing a stunned crowd. "Her place is taking care of our family, being a mother, a wife, and a daughter. If your fucked up faith says it is better for my wife to Be With God rather than kiss her children goodnight, please keep it to your fucked up self."
Today was a 2 hour round trip to pick up a chair from a client who checked into hospice. Medicare will pay for a wheelchair or skilled nursing, but not both. While I loaded the chair, the husband was talking about his wife and once again I was at a loss. Luckily there was a job to do and I thanked him for his time and got out. "She'll be dead soon," although true, didn't seem like the right thing to say.
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